i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
