You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
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What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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