my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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