Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
