i wish starbucks made bloody marys
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
FUCK WHALES
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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