Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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