Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
