in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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