Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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