he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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