Already got asked if we're dating
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
