Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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