I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
