i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
