Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize