Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
