I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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