oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
