Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
