ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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