is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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