hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
