I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
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I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.