I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
