Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The convent might be a nice break from real life