My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.