Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.

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  (508): If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you. http://tfl.nu/1yt8
  Replies (9) Good night (776) Bad night (1869)
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  (805): View more from California

  Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...

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  (805): Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head... http://tfl.nu/1do3
  Replies (36) Good night (1327) Bad night (3586)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."

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  (989): I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him." http://tfl.nu/yg5c
  Replies (9) Good night (891) Bad night (3660)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.

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  (801): i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away. http://tfl.nu/p1dq
  Replies (20) Good night (3022) Bad night (4000)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants

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  (815): the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants http://tfl.nu/kron
  Replies (6) Good night (4365) Bad night (966)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."

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  (301): let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child." http://tfl.nu/sqg2
  Replies (18) Good night (5654) Bad night (2782)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.

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  (808): Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days. http://tfl.nu/a8z9
  Replies (9) Good night (2990) Bad night (1594)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong

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  (740): You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong http://tfl.nu/17fl
  Replies (11) Good night (3206) Bad night (960)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon

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  (480): Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon http://tfl.nu/8tqm
  Replies (3) Good night (747) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??

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  (701): i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this?? http://tfl.nu/hqqq
  Replies (8) Good night (725) Bad night (1217)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.

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  (908): But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying. http://tfl.nu/oo2a
  Replies (14) Good night (655) Bad night (1378)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?

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  (720): The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer? http://tfl.nu/dm5m
  Replies (8) Good night (569) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(

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  (705): Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :( http://tfl.nu/qlv4
  Replies (2) Good night (605) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.

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  (512): Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed. http://tfl.nu/bj7a
  Replies (12) Good night (419) Bad night (966)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.

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  (248): He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day. http://tfl.nu/1wxb
  Replies (1) Good night (441) Bad night (220)

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