You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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