If i come over, it means nothing
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home