Christians are straight up FREAKS
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD