Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around

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  (814): I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around http://tfl.nu/xsf6
  Replies (13) Good night (1320) Bad night (2393)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.

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  (708): I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle. http://tfl.nu/qqv1
  Replies (12) Good night (679) Bad night (4134)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading

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  (541): Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading http://tfl.nu/n2uf
  Replies (31) Good night (2367) Bad night (1366)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.

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  (651): Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you. http://tfl.nu/jbfy
  Replies (28) Good night (9208) Bad night (1525)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.

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  (330): Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high. http://tfl.nu/m92h
  Replies (8) Good night (3298) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.

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  (617): I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B. http://tfl.nu/c1l3
  Replies (4) Good night (1252) Bad night (2946)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?

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  (203): Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight? http://tfl.nu/h4cr
  Replies (8) Good night (1620) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...

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  (239): His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during... http://tfl.nu/a1a1
  Replies (11) Good night (755) Bad night (2817)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes

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  (520): Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes http://tfl.nu/y839
  Replies (3) Good night (1502) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.

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  (415): We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now. http://tfl.nu/4l2w
  Replies (3) Good night (1317) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other

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  (425): The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other http://tfl.nu/h7kl
  Replies (4) Good night (886) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him

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  (703): He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him http://tfl.nu/a7jc
  Replies (1) Good night (711) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.

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  (863): I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable. http://tfl.nu/j0cs
  Replies (0) Good night (371) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.

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  (+44): I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things. http://tfl.nu/azn2
  Replies (5) Good night (985) Bad night (298)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.

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  (503): Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown. http://tfl.nu/yshu
  Replies (2) Good night (606) Bad night (251)

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