Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
