It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!