I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.