umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
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The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..