I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar