I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
