dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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