He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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