Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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