i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
