They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
