I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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