He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize