Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
