wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
