in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
