there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
