i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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