The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
