Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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