I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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