I wish I only lived at night.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
