i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
