Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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