How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
