just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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