I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
