WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
how drunk are you?
Several
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
