your parents love me but you hate me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
