I'm lost and stupid without you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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