The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
