Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
