Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
