My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
