Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
