you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
