Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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