I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
