i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
