Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
