I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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