Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
