the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
