I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
