in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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