Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
