I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
