By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
