I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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