1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
