oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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