That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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